Things I
Learned from Watching Night of Dark
Shadows
1. If, in the first five minutes of being at your new, grand house, you
wonder if your new housekeeper will be like Mrs. Danvers, and your
husband says probably, then get him back in the car, and drive, drive
like hell.
2. Chances are, if you're a Collins, then you've married the
wrong person. I mean, Gabriel and Laura would've been perfect
together. And then Charles and Angelique, well, we know they were
perfect together.
3. If your man is possessed by the spirit of an ancestor from the
1820's, and it's the middle of the night, and you're
wondering where he is, and you go go to find him, change into a
nightgown with an empire waist. It might placate him.
4. If you think you killed an evil spirit by having it throw
itself off the roof, think again. Chances are it wanted you to
think that.
5. If your going to inherit anything, inherit money, not spooky
old houses from a branch of the family you hardly
remember.
6. Drowning your wife is not appropriate, no matter what your
long-dead lover says.
7. Quentin lookes fine--F-I-N-E--in a pair of riding britches. If
all he did for the entire movie was walk around, wearing
his riding outfit, that would have been A-OK with me.
8. If a supposed witch gives your daughter a necklace--just don't. Take
it, melt it down, exorcise it, whatever. It's better than it having a
two hundred year hold on your little girl.
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