by Christine
This round robin was written by members of the Barnabas-Quentin Onelist who were unable to attend the 1999 Dark Shadows Fest in New York.
Bev collapsed into a hysterical heap on the carpeted floor as the fake Barnabas, conjoured up by Angelique and confronted by the cross the Christine held, burst into flames and turned into ash, which was immediately swept away by a draft.
Cheri helped Bev up, and gently shook her. "He wasn't real, Bev. He was just an apparition conjured up by that witch."
"I was so close," Bev sobbed. "So close."
Quentin appeared out of the woodwork. "We don't have much time, if you want to save him."
"What do we have to do?" Susie asked.
"Destroy her."
At these words, a chilled hush filled the room. Destroy Angelique? Was that possible? Trask tried, but eventually his attempt was thwarted by Blair. If Trask, the emminent witch-hunter, couldn't keep a witch killed, how could they?
"How do you kill a witch?" Christine asked. "That was a rhetorical question, Quentin," she said before he could open his mouth. "Now, I want everyone to think. No idea is too stupid. Movies, books, anything is game."
They all sat in a circle in Josette's room, the one place that Angelique couldn't enter. "Exorcisms?" Bev said hesitantly, still sniffling.
"That's for ghosts," Quentin says, "and it never works at Collinwood. We've tried, numerous times."
"Conjuring up an even more powerful witch to combat her?" Susie said.
"Like who?" Quentin said. "Can you think of someone more powerful than her? I can't."
Cheri smiled. "I got it! It's so simple, I don't know why no one thought of it before!"
"What is it?" they all asked.
"How did Dorothy kill the Wicked Witch?"
"Who's Dorothy?" Quentin said excitedly.
"She threw a house on her," Bev said.
"No, the West, the West."
"Water," Christine said. "Do you think that will work?"
"It can't hurt," Susie said. "What's the worst that can happen?"
"She'll kill us, that's what," Quentin said. "She's an evil she-devil, and she'll kill us all. She has no concious. All she wants is Barnabas, and she will kill anyone who gets in her way, no problems at all."
"It's a risk we'll have to take," Bev said, her composure regained. " I
was THIS CLOSE, and I WANT HIM BACK!"
With that decided, our intrepid adventurers trecked back to the Great House and into the Drawing Room.
"Oh, dear," Susie said. "We forgot about Matt."
"I won't let you kill her!" he yelled from the doorway. "She's so beautiful! She isn't evil."
"We're not going to kill her, Matt," Cheri lied. "Now, come here, I have to explain something to you."
He walked obediantly over to her. She pulled an envelope of pictures out of her purse, old publicity stills and glossy 8X10 head shots. "Now, Matt, let me explain to you the difference...."
The rest of them trooped out into hall, where they were met by HER.
"Well," she purred, "did you enjoy your time at the Old House?"
"Immensely," Bev said.
Christine pulled Quentin upstairs. "We're going to find Quentin's old phonograph," she said slyly. Quentin voiced no objections.
Minutes passed. Cheri, in the drawing room with a near comatose Matt, was desperately trying to get through to him with pictures of Pamela Anderson and Kim Bassinger. The two women in the hall were arguing with Angelique over where she was hiding Barnabas. Susie was wondering what was taking those two so long.
She needn't have worried.
At half past two in the morning, Collinwood time, Angelique Bouchard died a horrible death by water-log. The culprit was Quentin, who carried buckets of water from the bathroom (which he had trouble finding, because he never used one when the show aired)and poured the clear liquid over the banister. Unfortunately, most of it hit Susie, who was knocked over by the force, and fell straight on Angelique. But it was just enough of a distraction to scare the witch, while Quentin poured the other bucket, his aim correct this time. They all watched as she melted and eventually steamed into nothing but a pile of diaphanous gowns.
"You're so right about her!" Matt exclaimed. "Kim Bassinger not only exceeds Angelique in beauty, but she has a much nicer personality."
"I don't think she'd try to kill you either," Cheri said.
"No, but Alec Baldwin might," Susie said, still sopping wet.
Christine came running down the stairs. In her hand was the key to Josette's room, which she handed to Bev. "I think someone's waiting for you," she said. "A rather impatient man by the name of Barnabas Collins."
Bev pulled the key out of her hand and ran out the front door and across the lawn. She was that close once before, she wasn't going to let ANYTHING get in her way.
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